Wake up call!

So God has put the same person in my life two days in a row. I have never seen this person before, but he apparently lives in my building. To my knowledge, our paths don't often cross. Of course, my knowledge is dimmed by my cell phone and iPod. And my increased ability to avoid eye contact with most people around me. But two days in a row, this guy has been placed right in my path, once on a bus and once in an elevator. And this may be truly narcissistic of me, but I believe God put him there as a wake up call to me. Or at least, he had me look up from checking my cell phone (which, by the way has been used lately only to talk to my 4 girl friends and "Ice Dad" and Mom) long enough to take notice of this person and realize that I'm truly ungrateful. Not to say this encounter knocked me out of my dwindling depression and feeling of worthlessness, but it did show me how irrelevant and inconsiderate those feelings are at times. Basically, I believe that God is sending me the message, "Be thankful I didn't make you autistic. If you can't handle this little crap in life, you're definitely nowhere near qualified for something that makes you truly unique." I wish I could ask the boy what gives him strength. But I guess that answer comes once I start listening instead of doing all the talking in Katie-bashing form.

Focal Point

I'm trying to bring my life back into focus. I want the focal point of my life to be me. Doesn't that make the most sense? Not in a selfish, the world needs to revolve around me way. I just want to finally focus on myself and how I'm feeling inside. I don't want to cover it up anymore. If I don't conquer these feelings and insecurities now, then they will follow me to Houston. I don't want them there. They aren't welcome. No insecurities allowed!

I went out with girls last night. 5 girls, and I only have an attachment to 1. Yet, I walked out of the bar feeling like I had spent the evening with people I've known for years. It was a great release. But I still woke up with a knot in my stomach. I want the depression and anxiety to just melt away. I want to be able to sit with myself and feel complete. Well, at least not feel so alone. All. The. Time.